The illustrious Adam Schellenberg made a good point in his response to my last post. He explained that he is a Masculinist. What is a Masculinist? Adam was kind enough to provide us with a definition:

The noun masculinist can mean several things, but this is what I mean by it: someone who champions the dignity, rights, responsibilities, and glories of men as equal in importance to those of women and who therefore refuses discrimination against men. (GQ, Fall 2007)

Clearly, I don’t read GQ nearly enough, as I had never heard of the Masculinist movement. (har har) Nonetheless, Adam brings to light a great point.  In our quest to shatter stereotypical gender roles, we have focused primarily on women.  There are few voices discussing gender stereotypes forced upon young men.

Several years ago, I saw the following documentary.  The production quality is low, so it might come across a bit cheesy, but I think it makes many good points.

Men are forced into a “tough guise.”  Masculinity is often judged in terms of cocky bravado and physical strength.  From a very early age, we condition male and female children differently.  If a little girl falls, everyone stops to make sure the delicate little flower wont shrivel up and die.  If a little boy takes a tumble, we often encourage him to shake it off and show “what a big boy” he is.  Society preaches that boys shouldn’t cry.

While I think our society has reigned in violent influences on young men, there is still a black list of things that “real men” should never do. There are sweeping generalizations – show no weakness, be the primary breadwinner, show dominance, etc.  And then there are subjective areas where men must walk a thin tightrope.  Men can be musicians – but only if they play something cool and manly, like guitar or drums. In my years of music education in the public school system, I only knew one male flautist; interestingly enough, he was a Korean immigrant that learned to play before relocating to the States.  In America, playing the flute is clearly promoted as a “girly” activity.  Boys can be athletic – as long as their sports are very aggressive; boys should not do ballet or cheerleading. Admit it (yes, even the ladies), your gut reaction to boys that dance or cheer is to question their sexuality.   And men can teach, as long as it’s a “manly” subject, like math, science, PE, auto shop…

We are naturally suspicious of men that show a gentle or sensitive side.  At my church – and I could be very mistaken (I work in the Children’s Ministry, so that likely isn’t the case) – we don’t have any male volunteers in the Early Childhood program.  Actually, I don’t think we have any male volunteers that work with Children under the age 8, unless they’re involved in our Boy’s Club. The vast majority of elementary school teachers are female. And when was the last time you met a male preschool teacher?   We are wary about leaving our children in the care of men, and assume that men working with small children are creepy or gay.

And don’t get me started on the expectancy that men have to be the primary breadwinner.  One Seattle church even practices church discipline for men who choose to be stay at home parents…

What does it mean to provide for your family?  I had a preacher-man father who disappeared for weeks at a time to do God’s work.  I love my dad and we have a great relationship now, but growing up, I needed a my dad to be around, to be emotionally available.  A man’s provision for his family can’t just be monetary.  And if it works best that a father is the primary care giver of children or shares those duties with the mother, why shouldn’t he?  I know a number of single dads that are doing a much better job of raising their kids than the mothers would have done.    In a world where women can make as much as their husbands – and in a lot of cases, more than their husbands – why should gender be a determining factor in who raises children?  Shouldn’t we be more concerned with who is best wired to fulfill the needs of the children?  A mother resentful about staying home with her children will not be as successful as a father that is excited and eager to raise his kids.

So yes, I am a masculinist, too.  I don’t want gender to get in the way of a man expressing himself or pursuing a world full of opportunities.  When we consider gender roles, we must remember that there are two sides; the roles forced upon men are equally oppressive as those forced upon women today.